I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
