he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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