I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
