His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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