Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
