I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
