Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
