I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
