I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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