So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
