I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize