I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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