Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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