Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he puts the penis in happiness.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
