The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
