New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
