I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
