oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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