no, he came in my armpit
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Mom said you looked used
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
