New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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