And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
