Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
