I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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