My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
