I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
