new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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