Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
