but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize