Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
