He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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