dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dear god my vagina.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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