One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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