Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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