I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
