i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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