Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
