Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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