When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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