Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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