I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
BRING THE BAGELS
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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