2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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