Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ğŸ˜ğŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam†written on my chest in frosting.
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