Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
