Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
