Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
