i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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