he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
