She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
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I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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