I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she looked like the before picture.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
