Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
