Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
