It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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