The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
