he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
