Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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