I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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