I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
