uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
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I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
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Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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