meet me or not, i'm out of control
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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