we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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