Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
