I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he thought i was a dude.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
