I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
