i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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