He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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