Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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