I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
