If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
