Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
